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Change: A Process to be Feared or Understood

Written May 9th, 2013 by Karen Fuller
Categories: Relationships, Support, Transitions
Tags: caregiver, caring for our parents, change, communication, denial, difficult behavior, difficult conversation, elderly parents, family conflict, family meeting, planning, relationship, support, transition
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In a recent issue, I referred to my upcoming attendance of the 27th Annual Geriatric Medicine Refresher Day. This well-attended, informative conference was held in London, Ontario on May 1, 2013. It was such a privilege to attend the workshops presented by some of the foremost experts in the field of eldercare.

One 3-hour session entitled, Applied Motivational Interviews for Client-Centered Practice in Geriatric Care, presented by Jennifer Irwin, Ph.D and Don Morrow, Ph.D, focused on helping patients to clarify and resolve ambivalence toward changing their behaviour.

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How to Turn a Negative Response into Acceptance

Written May 2nd, 2013 by Karen Fuller
Categories: Relationships, Support
Tags: care circle, caregiver, caring for our parents, change, communication, denial, difficult behavior, difficult conversation, elderly parents, family conflict, family meeting, frustration, relationship, support
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A common dilemma that often confronts my clients is their elderly parents’ reluctance to accept any help from family or other agencies. There are so many hidden emotions involved in this protest, that it is best not to expect your parents to accept any of your logical arguments.

Recently, I worked with a family that was confronted by this issue. The adult children were worried, anxious and frustrated by their father’s reluctance to ask for any help with the care of their mother. As her dementia progressed, they could see the demands of her care taking a toll on their father’s health. Yet in spite of their comments, he insisted that he was managing.

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Male Caregivers: The Challenges of Silence

Written April 24th, 2013 by Karen Fuller
Categories: Support
Tags: Alzheimer's disease, caregivers, caregiving, change, communication, difficult conversation, relationship, support
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Most times, I make a point of reading or watching everything I can on care giving, in order to serve those adult children that seek my support in caring for their elderly parents. Unfortunately up until this past weekend, I missed watching a wonderful movie with Gordon Pinsent and Julie Christie called “Away From Her.”

This movie made in 2006, focused on the impact on the 50 year marriage of Grant and Fiona when Alzheimer’s caused Fiona’s move into a Long Term Care Facility. The film depicted the sense of loss, loneliness and life in limbo experienced by Grant. This brought back memories of the many hours of poignant conversations that I had with families during my many years of management in Long Term Care.

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Telephone Triage: Ways to Reduce Your Parents’ Frequent Calls

Written January 10th, 2013 by Karen Fuller
Categories: Support
Tags: anxiety, anxious, caregiver, dementia, depression, elderly mother, elderly parent, frequent calls, gesture of caring, line of communication, loneliness, parents call, sense of control
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At a recent speaking event, one of the participants expressed his frustration on receiving a daily call; make that many daily calls from his elderly mother. Each time he was unsure whether he needed to stop on his way home from work or drop everything to check on her well-being. Often when he did stop, he would find his mother well and preparing an evening meal for the two of them.

Although he was touched by her gesture of caring and obvious loneliness, he was feeling manipulated, if not intentional. He questioned how to decide when the call needed an immediate response and how he was going to manage these frequent calls.

This can be one of the most challenging aspects of being a working caregiver. Not only are frequent personal phone calls discouraged at work, your limited personal time is precious and needs to be managed. Although the line of communication needs to be maintained for emergencies, many times your parent’s call is prompted by worry or loneliness. You may be getting calls simply because your elderly parent is bored, anxious, or scared.

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5 Steps for a Safer Transition from Hospital to Home

Written January 3rd, 2013 by Karen Fuller
Categories: Support
Tags: advocacy, caregivers, convalescent care, discharge planners, discharged from hospital, elderly, elderly parents, family, family caregiver, goals for care, healthcare system, home care, home environment, transitions from hospital
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Just prior to the holidays, I received an anxious call from a friend. Her mother was being discharged from hospital following a short emergency admission for kidney failure and high blood pressure. This acute illness had required a stay in Intensive Care in order to stabilize her condition.

This emotional trauma and anxiety was compounded by an insensitive comment made by one of the emergency physicians. He remarked, “I hope you are not trying to dump your mother for the holidays.” This attitude is unfortunately one assumed by many as they refer to the elderly as “bed blockers.”

One of the biggest problems is how undervalued caregivers are in smoothing transitions from hospital to home. Many times the hospital discharge planners don’t actively engage family members in the planning and communication. Yet evidence shows that the elderly have better outcomes when a hands-on caregiver is involved in the process.

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Caregiving: The Burden to Bear or Opportunity for Optimism

Written December 6th, 2012 by Karen Fuller
Categories: Support
Tags: burnout, depression, feeling resentful, frustration, guilt, self-care, stress, support
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As adult children, you are thrust into the role of seemingly full-time caregiving. This can be isolating and exhausting. At this point, your ability to seek and find support for yourself can be overwhelming. When you are struggling to take care of your own personal health, seek some sort of respite and meet your own financial concerns, you are heading for burnout.

Caregiver burnout is very real. It can lead to serious health issues and depression. It is easy for everyone to standby and tell you to “take a break.” However in reality, if you fall apart it is not only a problem for you and your family, it is one for the person you care for. You must make time for yourself or at least work on changing your state of mind.

How can you be optimistic in the face of seemingly endless negativity? Anne-Marie Botek, http://agingcare.com states that “Being optimistic does not mean that you have to constantly walk around with a smile plastered onto your face, burying your true feelings and pretending to be happy.” Optimism means that you see the world accurately, while taking in both the good and the bad. With both in mind, you can train yourself to be more optimistic. Pessimism, on the other hand, can snowball until you feels completely helpless and totally trapped.

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Framing the “New Normal” for Caregivers

Written November 29th, 2012 by Karen Fuller
Categories: Support
Tags: care circle, caregivers, change, communication, family conflict, sibling dynamics, support
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My mother recently celebrated her 91st birthday in her nursing home… This landmark event prompted both my children to want to make the long drive to visit their grandmother. It had been several months since they had made this journey and I was concerned how they would react in response to the changes in my mother’s condition.

My mother suffers from dementia, which has caused her speech to become unintelligible and her attention span to be very short. She fails to acknowledge me by name but shows obvious signs of recognition, with a smile and a clearly stated, “What are you doing here?” Unfortunately, that is the only recognizable part of her conversation.

This is the reality confronted by so many caregivers and their families. Sometimes the changes in their parents are gradual and other times dramatic, depending on their medical condition. The pace of the change is not as important as the impact of the change itself.

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5 Ways to Reduce Caregiver Isolation

Written November 22nd, 2012 by Karen Fuller
Categories: Support
Tags: care circle, caregivers, caring for our parents, communication, elderly parents, support
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The focus of Care Full Heart Coaching is supporting adult children that are caring for their elderly parents. However, sometimes this care is provided at arm’s length, through a parent that is providing direct care to their spouse.

This situation can be equally as trying, as you experience the same frustration and concern about their welfare, yet you do not have the direct control to affect any changes. As recent article in Social Work Today (July-August issue) by – Nancy Pearce, MS, MSW, LISW, author of Inside Alzheimer’s: How to Hear and Honor Connections With a Person Who Has Dementia, shared some important thoughts that are worth considering.

1. Let Me Work It Out in My Own Time!

We have all heard these words and our frustration level rises. However, no matter how well-intentioned, our advice seems to fall on deaf ears. We need to reflect on the perspective of the overwhelmed caregiver, who at that point may not have the energy to avail themselves of assistance or connections that will relieve their isolation.

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How To Avoid the “Lone-Soldier” Syndrome

Written November 15th, 2012 by Karen Fuller
Categories: Support
Tags: burnout, care circle, caregiving, change, denial, planning, relationship, self-care, support
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The biggest issue for caregivers is the time and energy needed for care giving that must be taken away from other things, especially family. You can slip into the “lone-soldier” mode of thinking without even realizing it.

When you are so entrenched in the day to day care, you have little or no time to plan and anticipate what is ahead. Unfortunately, you are spending all your time “putting out fires” and little time developing a contingency plan. This can be exhausting and fuels the feeling of being controlled by an unpredictable force over which you have little control.

You may be caught in the old idea that asking for help is a sign of weakness. You feel responsible for your elderly parents and assume the full burden, without regard for your own emotional and physical well-being.

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How to Approach a Family That Just Won’t Help

Written September 3rd, 2012 by Karen Fuller
Categories: Support
Tags: burnout, care circle, difficult conversation, family conflict, self-care, stress, support
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In the last few issues of the Caring Collective, I have focused on highlights from the wonderful resource called, Share the Care. I am sure some of you have thought, that it is a wonderful theory but my family just won’t help.

TV-radio personality Leeza Gibbons, founder of Leeza’ Place communities for caregivers, had the same experience. She shares how, “With my mother’s decline, my brother coped by going into denial, my sister got depressed, and I got busy and frantic trying to fix things.”

Here is what she has to say in a video that she shared on Caring.com

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Older Entries

Support

Change: A Process to be Feared or Understood

Related Posts:

How to Turn a Negative Response into Acceptance

Related Posts:

Male Caregivers: The Challenges of Silence

Related Posts:

Telephone Triage: Ways to Reduce Your Parents’ Frequent Calls

Related Posts:

5 Steps for a Safer Transition from Hospital to Home

Related Posts:

Caregiving: The Burden to Bear or Opportunity for Optimism

Related Posts:

Framing the “New Normal” for Caregivers

Related Posts:

5 Ways to Reduce Caregiver Isolation

Related Posts:

How To Avoid the “Lone-Soldier” Syndrome

Related Posts:

How to Approach a Family That Just Won’t Help

Related Posts:

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